In September of this year, our young adult class started a new study on The Beatitudes in Matthew chapter 5. Jesus had just begun to preach repentance and call his disciples to follow him as He went about all of Galilee, teaching in the synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing all manner of sickness and disease among the people.
Great multitudes began to follow him all around the regions. As Christ saw the crowds forming, He went up into a mountain, and His disciples came unto him. Immediately, we see how He sought out a way to be more personal so they could learn of him. He taught them the characteristics He wanted to impute upon them and the attitudes we are to embrace in our daily lives to be the salt and light of the world. He taught us that if we implement these attitudes in our lives, we will be blessed.
As we moved to the seventh beatitude, “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God,” it seemed we all had moments of pause as we all realized there were situations in most of our lives that peace had been broken, relationships were estranged, and we stood in conflict with others. Unresolved conflict can mess up your life. If we are not careful, it can become a bitter seed that grows into a crop of many bitter seeds. One kernel turns into a whole stalk of corn. Sometimes, it can dominate not only years but also decades of the joy God has placed in us as His children. However, we learn in James 3:18, “And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.” This is the blessing Christ was referring to in the Beatitudes.
We have so many relationships in our life! It begins with our parents, siblings, friends, spouses, coworkers, and church family in the physical realm, but first and foremost, our relationship with God is where our connection to all others will flourish or diminish. I recently listened to a pastor teaching on relationships, which convicted me so much. He stated that reconciliation was even more important than worship! Wow!! That one stopped me dead in my tracks. He referred to Matthew 5:23-24:
“Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come offer thy gift.”
It seems in most life scenarios that family dynamics (the complex interplay of emotions, behaviors, and communication patterns that govern how individuals relate to one another) will be rooted deep within us, helping or hindering our choices in life. At the core of good relationships, they will build trust, mutual respect, and shared values.
I grew up in a very dysfunctional environment. My Father was an alcoholic who left my Mother alone many times for days. She was unaware of where he was, with five children to clothe and feed alone, many times with no resources. This caused lots of turmoil and fear throughout my childhood because of my parents’ relationship. Mother was an emotional wreck most of the time; as a child, I didn’t understand her, but as I got older, the gravity of what she endured in fear all the time had ravaged her emotional well-being. I respect and love her so much for pressing on and cannot fathom all she experienced within her heart.
I do not have many memories of growing up, and the ones I do have are always filled with lots of sadness. When I was young and married, after I became a Christian, I began analyzing my relationship with my parents, especially my Daddy. I started to feel guilt that I didn’t feel love for him like I should! My realization was I didn’t know him at all!
One day, my husband, Larry, suggested I start journaling. I did for a while. You will be so surprised to see how your own thoughts on paper can help heal and remove a lot of junk you are carrying. I began to feel better in my heart and tried to understand our families’ dynamics in a new way. By this time, Daddy had stopped drinking and would visit us. In his own way, I feel he was trying to build a new relationship. He never told me he was sorry for all the pain and anguish of our childhood (he may have some of my other siblings, I don’t know), but he showed it more and more as the years passed. We were blessed a couple of months before his death at 69 years of age to see him accept Jesus as Savior and be baptized. He came up out of the water, confessing his sins. That will forever be a scene in my mind to which I cling.
Relationships are complicated, messy, painful, and sometimes unforgiving. But I’m reminded through God’s Word that Christ said the two greatest commandments are to: “Love the Lord God with all our heart and soul and love our neighbor as ourselves.” If we’re not careful, it can become all about us, and Christ wanted it all about others, didn’t He?
I heard pastor Rick Warren teach on resolving conflict and restoring relationships recently. Here are a few of his points of advice:
- Make the first move- Intentional resolve, no matter who started the conflict. Don’t avoid, pursue. It won’t go away on its own; a wound gets worse without attention. It hardens our hearts. A peacemaker takes the lead. God’s Spirit gives us courage. “Perfect love casts out all fear.”
- Ask God for wisdom.
- Begin with what is your fault.
- Listen before you speak. Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.
- Speak the truth in love. “Truth shall set you free.” You are never persuasive when you are abrasive.
- Fix the problem; do not blame.
- Focus on reconciliation, not resolution. We can’t restore everything; we just need to come to peace within ourselves.
There are a lot of offenses that come in this life, but Christ said, “But woe to that man by whom the offense cometh.”
Our lives are filled with challenges in our marriage, children, extended families, coworkers, and, yes, even our church! When looking at all these relationships, may our desire always be to honor God in them all, and when conflict arises, my prayer is, “God, I forgive; please help my unforgiveness, and when our desire to forgive overcomes the offense, then I believe reconciliation can come.”
The Bible states,
“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things become new. And all things are of God who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.” 2nd Corinthians 5:17-19
My heart’s desire is to have peace in my relationships, to build bridges and not walls, to be able to disagree and still love, to be able to lift up and not condemn.
Until He comes…
Diane Mann
Lean into Jesus Ministries
#dianemannblogs
