Thankfully, I have a good friend who is also a counselor. Several years ago, I watched as she settled back into her chair, crossed one leg over the other, and propped nonchalantly on an elbow. Her demeanor always calmed my soul, and my soul needed calming. I perched on the edge of the sofa in her office, wondering what questions she might ask this time. She had a way of tossing out pointed questions, just as a chef tosses a pizza crust. Skillfully. Delicately. Effectively.
She had already guided me through an extremely stressful time and taught me new ways to think about many things. So, when my heart swelled with grief over the loss of my mom, I knew I needed some time with her.
As she leaned back and listened, I saw a question forming for me in her mind. Eventually, she tossed it my way. This one didn’t squeeze out tears or slip into my pocket for me to chew on later. This was an easy question; one I was happy to answer.
She softly asked, “When you think about your mother, do you have any regrets?”
Thankfully, the wise counselor had taught me how to delegate my mother’s care. Dementia had stolen her ability to keep up with doctor visits, drive, pay bills, eat properly, and take her medication correctly. Like many firstborn girls, I thought I had to do it all. Good counseling taught me to do the things that only I can do, allow others to do what they can do, and trust God to do what only He can do. Reaching out to other family members and friends helped me resist resentment and show genuine love for my mom.
So, I smiled back at my friend in the chair and said, “No, when it comes to my mom, I don’t have any regrets. I did everything I could, and I believe she was happy with that.”
Can anything steal joy faster than regret? Remember the line in the old song, “Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention?” While I have no regrets about caring for my mom, I have allowed mistakes, misbehavior, and messy relationships to leave indelible marks of regret that are not easily erased. Regret has also crept in when I didn’t do what I knew I should have done. If you find yourself consumed by either type of regret, let me remind you of a fellow who could have been gnawed on, chewed up, and spit out by it. In fact, he saw himself as the worst of sinners.
Paul knew regret. Zealous for the Jewish Law, Paul persecuted the very people to whom he would later preach the name of Jesus. After being blinded on the road to Damascus, he sat in darkness alone, thinking over the words Jesus spoke:
“Up on your feet—I have a job for you. I’ve handpicked you to be a servant and witness to what’s happened today, and to what I am going to show you. I’m sending you off to open the eyes of the outsiders so they can see the difference between dark and light, and choose light, see the difference between Satan and God, and choose God. I’m sending you off to present my offer of sins forgiven, and a place in the family, inviting them into the company of those who begin real living by believing in me.” Acts 26:15-18, The Message
For three days, Paul’s past hurled image after image through his mind like billboards on a busy highway. With eyes open or closed, all he could see were the screaming faces of those carted away just because they courageously confessed the name of Jesus. It was there in the darkness that Paul allowed regret to creep in. Yet, zeal for the law soon gave way to passion for the gospel. His regret transformed into redemption. He had a new purpose and no time for regret!
Surely, those who knew Paul well must have thought, “If God can change Paul, He can change anyone.” Don’t we all have those in our lives who need to see our regret turn into redemption? When we choose to use our mistakes, misbehavior, messy relationships, or should-haves as a springboard for demonstrating God’s redemptive power, we become more like Paul.
It’s a trite saying, but our messes really can become our messages. God used Paul’s regret to teach others. With the help of the Holy Spirit, Paul wrote letters containing themes of grace, peace, mercy, joy, and, above all, love. Love for God. Love for Jesus. Love for the Spirit. Love for others. Even love for ourselves.
At the end of Paul’s life, he wrote from a Roman jail to Timothy, his discouraged son in the faith. These became Paul’s last words. In true last words form, he revealed his heart. He had no time for regret. It was time to pass the torch of ministry, and he wanted to be sure Timothy had all he needed to carry on the ministry. He gave affirmation, advice, instruction, and encouragement, all of which he learned in the School of Hard Knocks. Who needs to see God’s redeeming love powering through your regret?
Let’s pray first and then do what we can to make things better. Ask others for forgiveness and forgive them, even if they never ask for it. Then, let us patiently trust God to intervene in ways that only He can. Finally, let’s find a way to connect with the people we need, and more importantly, the people who need us. Overcoming our regret may be the very thing that helps someone else put their trust in Jesus.
We all have a purpose and no time for regret!
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10 NLT)
Donna Jackson
Lean into Jesus Ministries
Perfection Road (perfectionroad.com)
#donnajackson blogs