Mammograms, Icees, and Surrender

 

God’s timing. It’s perfect, isn’t it?

I haven’t been to a women’s conference in years. Karli Rae was invited in November by her math teacher to sing a worship song with her at a Women’s conference that would take place in February. She obliged, and they practiced a couple of days a week in the mornings before school.

I bought my ticket a month in advance and went on about my life. I never once prayed for God to open my heart or my mind to receive anything. I prayed for KR’s nerves but never for me. I was going because my girl was singing—shame on me. I was caught up in the routine numbness of life that I never expected to receive anything from this conference.

But God…

On Thursday, two days before the conference, God slowed me down. I was in the shower getting ready for work and noticed it was uncomfortable to move my right arm. It was different from being sore from the gym. I did my monthly breast exam, and sure enough- a knot. A very sore knot. I called the doctor, and she ordered a “right diagnostic mammogram” for Monday.

That meant I had five days to examine the spot, re-examine the knot, ponder it, and all the thoughts that come with it. Like, what if it’s cancer? What if I lose my hair? Lord, please don’t let my head be lumpy and mole-y. If I have to lose my hair, can I please have a nice, round head? If I have to go through treatment, can I still work? Please let me work— all the thoughts.

Saturday’s Gift

Fast forward to Saturday- the theme of the conference was “Surrender.” Surrender everything. Your health, need to control, anxiety, finances, relationships, etc. Give it all to Jesus because it’s all too big of a weight for us to carry. He never meant for us to carry it anyway. Leave it at the cross.
He was talking to me.

The women who spoke and shared testimonies had lost children, marriages, corporate jobs, and dream houses… they had to surrender to the will of God even if they didn’t want to at the time. As one lady put it, “God didn’t ask me what I wanted. He just did it.” These women went through dark and broken days, months, and even years, yet, I saw Jesus all over them.

I left there ready to surrender.

Proverbs 16:9 says,

“In their hearts, humans plan their course, but the Lord ordains their steps.”

He ordained my steps. The invitation to my daughter, the self-exam, the diagnostic mammogram, the message and the testimonies of Jesus-filled women, and the theme of the conference, for crying out loud. It’s all part of the plan. His plan.

Today I had another mammogram and then an ultrasound because he didn’t like what he saw on the 3D. The radiologist will look at the pictures and call me. That’s all I know right now. Every season of our lives is an essential part of our story. The dash (-) between our birth and our death. How do we live it?

I walked out of there today fully surrendered and at peace with whatever this is or isn’t. I don’t know what is going to happen next, but I do know who holds my future. And today, I celebrated that ride home with a cherry Icee and a personal pan pizza from the Target snack bar.

“And I will be content in every circumstance, Jireh, you are enough.”

Brooke Wimberly
Lean into Jesus Ministries
Guest Blogger

Update:  I just took the best phone call! I’m all clear. He’ll see me in a year. Thank you for your prayers.