Difficult people are all around us.

The coworker who is willing to do anything to get ahead. The family members who always seem to be critiquing your parenting skills and offering “suggestions” for improvement. The child who knows exactly how to push your buttons to leave you exhausted and frustrated. The person in your ministry who is constantly complaining about your leadership, who thinks he has better ideas and communicates them with everyone BUT you. The list is endless.

So, how do we love these people? Our natural tendency is to want to run the other way, to avoid them as much as possible. But is that what honors God in these hard situations?

Difficult people have been around for a very long time.

Moses was no stranger to leading a group of difficult people. Even after rescuing them out of slavery and leading them safely away from the Egyptians, the Israelites were not happy with him. Instead of being grateful for their new freedom and provision from God, they complained about the food, complained about not enough water, wished they had died in Egypt, and could choose another leader. Even Moses’ own siblings complained about him and wanted another leader.

In spite of all this, Moses didn’t retaliate against the Israelites. He didn’t even defend himself against the harsh accusations. Instead, he showed humility and compassion for those he led, repeatedly defending and encouraging them.

There had to have been moments when the Israelites’ constant complaining drove Moses to the edge of sanity, yet by God’s grace, he persevered. Even at the very end of his life, he still loved the Israelites and led them to the best of his abilities.

Moses remained strong to his last days and even made sure God had another leader in place to take over. Moses never stopped loving them, even at their worst. By God’s grace, we, too, can keep loving the difficult people God has placed in our lives. The easy thing is to put our heads in the sand and ignore the problem, avoiding the person at all costs.

A better way.

But I suggest we be more like our patient and loving Father and show love, patience, and kindness no matter how we are treated. I know that’s a hard pill to swallow. No one likes to be mistreated, and because we are humans in a sinful world, our natural reflex is to retaliate in spite, hold grudges, and respond in anger. As I type this it is so clear to me that this is NOT what God wants for me, however in the moment of mistreatment my ability to see this for what it is can be slightly skewed.

In my wiser age, I’ve discovered that I, too, can be a difficult person. More often than not, the very thing I find so difficult to love in another person is merely a reflection of the difficult quality I despise in myself. Self-reflection can be a beautiful thing when practiced properly.

So, how do we love those difficult people?

These are some tips that have helped me.

• I pray for my own heart. I ask God to soften my heart towards this person, to put away any anger and frustration, and instead replace those emotions and thoughts with kindness and compassion.
• I pray for them. Ask God to soften their hearts, open their eyes, and allow them to see themselves and others the way God sees them.
• I lean into them rather than shy away from them. Although our natural tendency is to avoid people with whom we have strained relationships, they are exactly the people we need to be intentionally investing in. Find ways to engage them in conversation. It can be as simple as a text or a meeting for dinner or coffee.
• Give them grace, just as God extends grace to you. The amount of grace and mercy that has been poured out on my life is truly astounding. I daily disappoint God and fall short of His expectations of me, but I still want the same grace and forgiveness from Him. Why would I not do the same for those who fall short of my own expectations? Ask God to help you be patient with them and forgive them, as he has forgiven you.

Realize that you, too, could be the difficult person in someone else’s life! You might not even realize that you are a thorn in the flesh for someone close to you, but we can’t be ignorant of our own shortcomings and sins. (1 Peter 4:8)

I also understand there are times when boundaries have to be drawn, and a relationship with the difficult person is no longer an option. For your own sake, love them and forgive them anyway. Continue to pray for them. Don’t hold onto the negative and intrusive thoughts; instead, take those thoughts captive and lay them at the feet of Jesus. He is a far better problem solver than we ever have been or ever will be.

Love, even when it is hard.

So, when difficult people and challenging situations arise, ask God for grace not to completely avoid them but to be given the wisdom and discernment to know when to keep engaging or love from a distance. (1 John 4:11)

God will be glorified, and our hearts will find contentment as we seek to love people just as Christ loved us even when we were his enemies.

Love and forgive first, God is faithful to take care of the rest.

Lynn Fulwider
Lean into Jesus Ministries
#lynnfulwiderblogs