In a room full of people, surrounded by several conversations, I was off to myself; I had the same thought I had a thousand times before: “I am the background friend.” You know, the one who never particularly fits in with any group of friends.
I was only invited to join when I was around when something was discussed. Or if I plan it. Not primarily in my friend’s lives.
Not the person someone would normally think about unless they are thinking of my family; don’t just cross anyone’s mind—the person who will not speak her mind unless that person has been entrusted. Random texts to check in are seldom received but sent a lot.
I am always behind the scenes so no one notices.
After that thought came a prompt: “Tell your story.” I laughed out loud; what a crazy thought. Why would anyone care about my story, my past? No one cares; if you did share, you would be gossiped about and ridiculed. Yes, that was my internal dialogue, killing any little self-confidence I might have had. I shook my head vigorously to physically get the thoughts out of my head.
As I bet you can imagine, this thought of telling my story was stalking me; I could not shake it. Believe me, I tried. It started to invade my prayer time. I had a lengthy conversation with HIM and every time; I would say, “Nope, I am not the one.” He quickly reminded me who I was saying no to, and it wasn’t me.
I stopped fighting the thought because if HE is leading me down this path, the argument is over. But knowing me, just to make sure, I asked repeatedly, just in case He changed his mind. Funny right? The response was always, “Yes, tell your story.” If not for you, then for someone else to know the light is much stronger than the darkness you lived in for so long, turn around, and help someone else into the light, to Jesus. Obedience was needed.
As only He shall have it, the very next day was our annual Lean into Jesus conference, “Surrendered.” At the end of the conference, during invitation time, we wrote on rocks what we wanted to surrender over to HIM; I had written my internal dialogue/doubt. I prayed over this rock quickly before I left it on the altar and promised myself and Him that if the opportunity arose to share my story at the next conference, I would. I did not break that promise. I am telling my story during the upcoming conference, REDEEMED, on Feb 3. And You are invited.
Now, before you think that internal dialogue and self-doubt went away (I would love to tell you that it disappeared), sometimes that little joker makes an appearance, proving I am still a work in progress. I do my best to remind myself to whom I belong. I am also working on that background issue I have. There is no better way than scripture to reassure me who I am to HIM.
I may have shared the below scripture, what I call my “I am statements” before, But I feel the need to share again,
· I am loved. 1 John 3:3
· I am accepted. Ephesians 1:6
· I am a child of God. John 1:12
· I am a temple of God. His Spirit and His life live in me. 1 Corinthians 6:19
· I am redeemed and forgiven. Colossians 1:14
· I am complete in Jesus Christ. Colossians 2:10
· I am free from condemnation. Romans 8:1
· I am chosen by God, holy and dearly loved. Colossians 3:12
Missy Burks
Lean into Jesus Ministries
#missyburksblogs
