This year I turned sixty. Sixty! It is hard to get my head around that number.
“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12
As a rule, I don’t like birthdays. The reasons have been as varied as the number of birthdays I have experienced. Most of them have left me no worse for the wear once they were over. But this year has been tough! It has been tough physically, professionally, and if I am honest – spiritually as well.
Unfortunately, it is true what they say about certain birthday milestones. Physically, I have had more diagnostic imaging this year than the rest of my life combined! Most of those tests have left us without answers, so it is another doctor and another test. The multiple physical issues drained my energy and led me to take a sabbatical from my career in counseling.
During my sabbatical, it became clear that it was time to make some changes. I felt lead to focus on locating and getting a ministry center up and running for our homeless ministry. I was excited to consider what that could look like and how ministries, including my counseling ministry, could be expanded in a dedicated space. So in June, I hit the ground running, a woman on a mission. Now, after almost five months of searching, I wonder if that place exists anywhere other than in my mind.
The physical and professional challenges and the exhaustion surrounding so many unresolved issues left me tired and a bit disillusioned. Life is just plain hard on so many levels. My heart hurts as I see physical challenges affecting people around me that I love: another cancer diagnosis, another Alzheimer’s diagnosis, another disobedient child, another marriage in shambles, and the list seems to go on and on.
“…He has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5b
Cumulatively, it could be enough to make us question our faith and what we believe. I don’t think questioning, in and of itself, is bad. It is part of the learning process and a building block for the challenges that will come. If we don’t question and learn today, we face tomorrow unprepared. But our questions must be tempered against the backdrop of our faith and the truth that God sees it all and will be with us every step of the way.
“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12
And so it is, in the midst of so many things unresolved, we will sit together. Another day, week, month, or year will pass –perhaps another birthday. We will trust our Lord. We will be bound by love for each other and love for God. We will pray, wait, learn, and grow. We will encourage each other with hugs, flowers, and food; sharing our sorrows and our joys. We will cry together, laugh together, and rest in His promises even in the midst of uncertainty. We will hold tight to His truth.
The TRUTH is:
• God is Good
• Jesus Loves Me
• I will make it through this season
• And, you can’t chew gum and blow bubbles in a convertible with the top down without a hair tie!
As I face another year, I am confident that, in my obedience, He loves me, and in my disobedience, He still loves me. But I realize that it is in my obedience that I show I love Him! As I face a new decade of life, I pray that I will fully trust God and that He will find me obedient.
Shirley Chupp
Lean into Jesus Ministries
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