There is something in the human flesh that wants to fight.
When we are wronged, misunderstood, overlooked, or hurt, something rises up in us that demands justice. It whispers that we should remember what they did. It tells us that forgiveness is a sign of weakness or that we are allowing the person who wronged us “off the hook.” It tells us that holding a grudge protects us.
And if we are honest, the world applauds that voice. Encourages it, and condemns when we fight against it.
We live in a culture that celebrates vengeance. People keep mental records of every offense. Social media thrives on arguments and outrage. Bitterness is treated like strength, and kindness is often mistaken for arrogance.
But the longer I walk with Christ, the more I realize something that feels completely backwards to the world:
Kindness and forgiveness are not weaknesses. They are evidence of spiritual strength.
Scripture makes this really clear.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32
We are not simply asked to forgive because it is polite or socially acceptable.
We are asked to forgive because WE were forgiven.
This changes everything!
When I remember how patient God has been with me—how many times I have failed, doubted, complained, and sinned—and yet He continues to show mercy, it becomes much harder for me to justify withholding forgiveness from someone else.
And yet, if I am honest, forgiveness does not come naturally to me.
My flesh is strong, and I have absolutely been one who kept score.
I have to be so intentional not to fall into that trap.
My flesh-
It remembers who hurt me. It replays conversations. It builds arguments in my head that I will probably never say out loud.
But scripture repeatedly reminds me to take those thoughts captive.
“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble.” — Hebrews 12:15
Bitterness is never harmless.
It grows quietly. At first, it feels justified, even reasonable. But over time, it begins to poison everything around it—our relationships, our joy, our ability to see people through the lens of grace.
I have learned something uncomfortably true about grudges: they rarely hurt the person we are angry with.
In fact, holding grudges, unforgiveness, and anger like a prized possession is like drinking poison but expecting the other person to die from it.
Jesus spoke directly into this tension.
When Peter asked Him how many times we should forgive someone who sins against us, Peter thought he was being generous.
Seven times sounded like a lot.
But Jesus answered:
“I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” — Matthew 18:22
In other words: stop counting.
Still…That does not mean forgiveness is easy. Please hear me when I say that when relying on our own abilities, it can be very, very difficult.
Sometimes it feels like letting go of the only thing that made the pain feel justified.
But scripture reveals something much deeper: forgiveness is not surrender to the person who hurt us.
It is surrender to God.
“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God.” — Romans 12:19
When I forgive, I am not pretending the wrong never happened. I am trusting that God sees it, understands it, and will deal with it far more effectively than I ever could.
And that frees me.
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” — Romans 12:21
Grace interrupts thoughts of revenge.
Mercy reflects the character of Christ.
Jesus Himself was a perfect example of this, and in the most incredible way imaginable. As He hung on the cross—betrayed, beaten, and mocked—He prayed:
“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” — Luke 23:34
So when the world pressures me to stay angry, to hold onto offenses, to keep score and defend my pride, I have to remember who I belong to.
I follow a merciful Savior who forgave His enemies, and if I am going to walk in His footsteps, I cannot carry the heavy boulders of bitterness with me.
Forgiveness may feel uncomfortable and totally unfair, but in reality, it is further evidence that God is working and our faith is growing.
I believe that in a world that desperately wants us to fight and hold grudges, choosing mercy might be one of the most powerful testimonies we can offer.
Lynn Fulwider
Lean into Jesus Ministries
#lynnfulwiderblogs