“Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.” Psalms 100:4 (KJV)
In the spring of 2007, I got an invitation to attend a 72-hour spiritual retreat. It took a small army to make this retreat happen. The volunteers sacrificed three days of their time to be the hands and feet of Jesus. It was a time of reflection and spiritual growth for me. I went there, desiring to have an encounter with God.
The outpour of agape love overwhelmed my soul, and I believe I cried for the entire 72 hours. I felt like I was standing in a healing rain, and the beautiful thing was I felt Jesus standing beside me with his arms wrapped around me the entire time. I never felt so loved.
On day two, we participated in “Dying Moments”. During this time, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that I was harboring anger toward God. I was holding a grudge against my creator. Conviction gripped my heart that day as the Holy Spirit gently whispered, “You do not enter into my gates with thanksgiving and praise; you are mad at me.” I went to church three times a week. I was co-teaching a women’s bible study. I was being faithful to the house of God, or so I thought. The truth is I was there in body only, and I was not serving him with joy in my heart.
I had been angry with God for four years because he had not healed my young friend, Cliff, from cancer. He fought hard for three years, and the cancer had returned with a vengeance. He slipped away from us and entered God’s paradise at eighteen years old. I was devastated. I had prayed, and I believed for his healing on this side of heaven, but it did not happen.
I was thirty-seven when I met him. I had been walking with God for five years. Cliff sold out to Jesus at a young age and carried the Gospel everywhere he went. He was twelve when I met him, and he answered the call to preach that same year. He taught me to get up and keep going on my hardest days, to put others before myself, and to choose joy over sadness.
When I visited Cliff, I would ask how he was feeling, and he would break out in song, “It’s a great day to be alive; I know the sun’s still shining when I close my eyes. There’s some hard times in the neighborhood but why can’t every day be just this good?” ( Songwriter: Darrell Scott) He had the most positive outlook on life, even on his worst days.
I watched him, observed him, and learned from him. I loved him as one of my own. On the night of his visitation, it was raining. Many people stood outside the funeral home under umbrellas, waiting to pay their respects to his family. Over 1200 people signed the book that night. The following day, there was a celebration of life ceremony, and 800 people packed the sanctuary, with several hundred in the overflow at the First Congregational Methodist headquarters building.
I was asked to speak at his “celebration,” but I did not feel like celebrating. As I looked out over the congregation, all I could see was brokenness. I talked about my friend, his love for Jesus, his love for people, and his love for the Gospel. I fought back my tears as I reminded them to keep the faith and keep pressing on because that is what our young friend Cliff had done in the eye of the storm.
When I finished and took my seat on the pew, I was screaming on the inside, “Lord, why didn’t you heal him? Why didn’t you answer our prayers? He loved you. He served you. He was winning souls to Christ. You could have healed him. I had faith that you would.” I remember being so hurt at God.
Here I am four years later, and the Holy Spirit reminded me that I was still hurt at God. Kneeling in an altar at Camp Sumatanga, I repented, and the Lord forgave me. I felt his love and presence so strongly that day, and He reminded me that bad things happen to good people.
Cliff fought a good fight, he finished his course, and he kept the faith.
“Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.” 2 Timothy 4: 8 (KJV)
I could hear the Lord speaking clearly to me that day, “Enter into my gates with Thanksgiving and into my courts with praise, and go finish your race.” I thanked Him for the healing rain that I was standing in. I am so thankful the Lord does not leave us in our pitiful, backslidden state. He is always drawing us back to Him.
Dana Hill
Lean into Jesus Ministries
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