I was trimming the tree and listening to my kids’ laugh. I take a moment to let it all sink in. Remembering just a few short years ago, we didn’t even put up a tree; it was only my husband and me, we didn’t see the point. Don’t get me wrong; we celebrated the birth of our Savior; we just did not do all the usual family things.
For most of my life, I had known I would be unable to have children. As an adult, I began to think long-term. Who would want to marry someone unable to have kids? At that point, I started a narrative in my head, I didn’t want marriage or kids, hoping against all cost that it would become truth so the pain of watching all around me marry and have families would ease. Of course, this only hurt me more because it was untrue. I became the person who would avoid baby showers or anything to do with it all at any cost. If I had to go or be around, I would put on my happy face and then deal with emotions later. If you have dealt with infertility in any way, you understand the pain, questions, and fear. The pain and jealousy of knowing you will never have a child of your own can be unbearable.
During my prayer time and talks with Jesus, I felt there was something more as if He was telling me, family and kids were going to be in my future. I kept holding onto it, was just unsure of how.
“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1
After a few years, I met an amazing man. I told him of my situation right from the start, as I felt this relationship was different. I did expect him to run the other way. However, I needed to be sure he knew exactly what he was getting into. I also wanted to give him every opportunity to back out.
If you know my now-husband, you know that is not what he is made of. This did not shake him. And I thank God for him every day. I did decide on my own to go through a series of the most intrusive, humiliating, and painful tests a woman can go through. Holding onto:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
But still, the answer was “no.”
We went several years of it just being us. Happy as we were, I still felt there was more for us. We had talked about adopting and fostering several times, but it was just not the right time. Even though it was on our hearts, the timing was just not right.
It is always in His time.
One day everything changed, one small decision snowballed into so much more, and it was time. Foster Classes started, and we were off. If you have ever been through these classes, you know they dig deep, and you really do find out who you are what you are made of. I believe if we had taken these earlier, we wouldn’t have been ready. We had to do the work, and His time had to be right.
We had discussed how many kids at a time we would take in. We agreed on one to start with and proceed from there. The joke was on us. Before we graduated from the class, we were asked to take in three siblings. Yes, I said three. Without even blinking, we said yes. We went from no kids to THREE overnight.
Three beautiful souls moved in with us in December 2016, and we have never regretted the decision. They have turned our world upside right. Completed our family, to say the least. There is no way to describe all the joy and love we have given and received from them. The first Christmas felt different. I was able to watch the light in their eyes, as they believed in the spirit of the season where anything could happen because right before our very eyes, it really did. I was in love with them the moment I met them. They have been our most precious Christmas gifts.
Snapping back to the moment of decorating, I was asked, “Mama, are you ok? You are crying?”
I answered my littlest one, “Yes, I am just so happy it’s Christmas and can’t wait to celebrate Jesus’ birth with my three greatest gifts from Jesus.”
That Christmas, my prayers were answered in a way I never dreamed possible; God answered my prayers by giving me the pleasure of entrusting us with three amazing children. Simultaneously, we were celebrating the time He gave us His Son. What an astounding gift.
I held onto faith in HIM and what I believed was HIS promise for me.
“Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.” Ephesians 3:20
If you are praying for what seems like the impossible, don’t lose hope. If it is in HIS plans, He alone will make it happen in His time, and you will be blessed in ways you never dreamed was possible.
Missy Burks
Lean into Jesus Ministries
Originally published December 13, 2020; Lean into Jesus Ministries